Ego or EGO?

(Understanding the part of us that’s not broken — just scared)

At some point in your healing, you’ll look back on a connection that once tore you open…and realize it wasn’t toxic. It was ego — theirs and yours.

Ego isn’t the enemy. It’s a pattern. A reflex. A shield. It’s the part of you that learned to protect love by performing for it. The part that pulled away first so you wouldn’t be left behind. The part that said, “I don’t care” when you cared too much.

Ego wears many masks — control, withdrawal, blame, perfectionism. It’s slippery. It speaks in ultimatums and sarcasm and silence.

But underneath all that noise… is a wound that just hasn’t felt safe enough to be seen. And here’s where perception comes in.

Not long ago, I had a moment with a close friend where the concept of ego took on different meanings for each of us. For me, ego was simply the part of us that’s protective and reactive, but ultimately human. For her, I believe, the word “ego” felt like it carried a sense of conceit or arrogance. Neither of us was wrong — we were just seeing it through different lenses, shaped by our own experiences and understandings.

And that’s the thing with ego — it’s often misunderstood. What one person sees as self-assuredness, another might see as ego. What feels like a boundary to you might feel like rejection to someone else. Your silence could be self-protection. Your clarity might land as control. It all depends on the lens you’re looking through.

When we’re hurt, we often see other people’s presence as distance. We see their groundedness as stubbornness. We see their “no” as punishment —when really, we might just be witnessing someone who’s finally learned not to abandon themselves. That realization softened everything for me. The spiritual journey doesn’t ask us to kill the ego. It asks us to meet it. To understand it in ourselves and others — especially when it’s easier to judge. Because ego is what shows up when love feels dangerous. It’s the muscle memory of an old version of you who didn’t know how to stay open without being hurt.

And here’s the thing nobody tells you:You can be a lightworker and still have an ego. You can be spiritually awake and still get triggered. You can know better and still revert to a coping mechanism. The difference is: now you see it. Now you pause. Now you respond instead of react. And even when you don’t — you return.

That’s growth.

So when the voices get loud — when the urge to run or control or close off arises — try whispering this instead:

> “I see you. I know you’re trying to keep me safe. But I don’t need to fight anymore. I choose love.”

Thoughts of a Lightworker

13th June 2025